i almost exclusively attend experimental therapies. it's a little stressful to do mental health shit that is rough around the edges. it's been hard, but somewhere along the line, it's gotten better. less tense. well, i'm still tense, but other people are more comfortable at the thing.

i'm supposed to experiment with assertiveness this week. i'm ok with assertiveness in discussion, but when it comes to actually asserting real boundaries with loved ones and trying to protect my wellbeing interpersonally in those close relationships... it's hard to even end the sentence. i want to shrivel up into a raisin thinking about it. but really, what's the point of life if i'm not prioritizing my roommates or family or close friends? i guess the point could be self-fulfilment or something. eugh.

the moment i saw that assignment i completely stopped laughing and joking around with everybody else and started dreading the week ahead. what if i never went to therapy ever again?